I Feel God in This Podunk Town Tonight
by shortstackedcheesecake
Summary: College is just around the corner, and while Eric can't wait for a little distance from South Park, Kyle isn't handling the impending change so well. For day 7 of Kyman Week, 'free day.' Rated T.


**A/N:** _Yes, the title is inspired by Pam's infamous line from The Office because this fic is inspired by one of my fave Jim and Pam moments. Seriously, as soon as I watched that scene in 'The Dundies' I could easily imagine Eric and Kyle being in a similar situation, and wanted to write a fic for it. And what better time than during Kyman Week? I hope you enjoy, and I'd love to know your thoughts! Thank you for reading!_

* * *

As Eric finished his beer, he tried to count how many Saturday nights he had spent doing just this. Pre-gaming in his living room with the guys, his mom banished to her bedroom until they decided to haul their asses off the couch and drag themselves to another party, in another house, or to Stark's Pond, where there were drinks in coolers, and bonfires lit, but not much else. Eric gave up when the reminiscing became too boring, when the sting of nostalgia began to pierce his buzz. It was hard to imagine this would be the last time they would get to do this for months, maybe years, and even if they did attempt to re-create this feeling, of being eighteen, and stuck in South Park, with adulthood stretched out in front of them, would it ever feel the same? For Eric, belligerent and stubborn, it wasn't easy to watch a routine morph, an era end, right in front of him and be powerless to stop it. He glanced around the room, at the walls, and furniture, and friends he would no doubt take for granted... his gaze landed on Kyle, uninterested and preoccupied with his thoughts, and quickly returned to his drink. No way could he get all sentimental over Kyle, staring at him while his mind was running away with change, and loss, because he knew it would make him do something he would regret. Something that, if it backfired, would be catastrophic.

He had made too much progress with his feelings for Kyle to reopen that old wound. He had spent what felt like the entirety of his fifteenth year purging himself of his infatuation with crying, and pining, and listening to gross emo songs because he was convinced he had been in love with him, and when he was done he had buried his feelings because what he and Kyle had was too perfect and precious to wreck. Or so he told himself. Nonetheless, Kyle's role in his life was far too crucial to risk losing by actually being honest. Now they had made it to graduation with everything intact, everything as it should be, and they could part ways with nothing broken. Maybe being apart would be just what Eric needed to truly over get over him, once and for all? Maybe change could be a good thing, he considered, without pre-emptive nostalgia clouding your judgement.

"So what time do you fellas wanna head over to Token's?" Butters asked.

Kenny gulped down the rest of his drink, and shrugged.

"I don't know, like, ten?"

"Man, can you believe this is the last time we're all gonna be hanging out for nearly a year?" Stan asked, shaking his head like he couldn't quite believe it.

The gleaming enthusiasm in Butters eyes waned, and his shoulders drooped. Eric imagined him as a dumb, excitable puppy who was being scolded by their owner for making a mess on the carpet. He could envision his ears fucking _drooping_.

"Oh yeah..." Butters frowned, lower lip jutting.

"God, don't cry, douchebag!" Eric snapped, Butters on the brink of tears and Stan getting all misty-eyed weren't encouraging his new, positive outlook at all. "Why do you have to be such a sentimental asswipe, Stan?"

"I was just pointing it out that's all!"

"Besides, it won't be a whole year," Kenny added. "We'll see each other at Christmas, right?"

"Well, you guys will. Me and Wendy won't be coming home for Christmas..."

Eric rolled his eyes at yet another mention of Stan and Wendy's trip to Cambodia, or Vietnam, or wherever the fuck it was... it came as a huge surprise to everyone when Wendy made it known that she wouldn't be going to college in the fall, but instead take a year out to go travelling and do charity work. It didn't come as a huge surprise to his friends when Stan announced he was also forgoing to college to join her. Eric thought it was a long way to go just to spend the year fucking your girlfriend.

"Why not?" Eric replied with a sneer. "Because you'll be dead on the side of a road in the middle of fucking nowhere?"

"No!" Stan snapped, a flush crawling up his throat even after the hundredth time Eric had made a snide comment about his trip. "Because we can't afford flights home!"

"Jesus, it's almost like this whole trip is a waste of time, huh?"

Eric couldn't help the smirk spreading across his face, especially when Stan's blush was burning crimson and he was gritting his teeth so hard they were close to shattering in his mouth.

"It's not a waste of time!" he cried. "Kyle, will you tell him?"

Kyle looked up from his drink, and it occurred to Eric that he hadn't piped up sooner. In fact, he'd been quiet, and mellow, and totally un-Kyle all evening.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked, tired and... defeated.

Eric wanted to laugh at the hilarious incredulity setting Stan's features alight, but it was hard to find the humour in Kyle's lacklustre response.

"Dude, I don't know! Could you at least defend me?!"

"Oh..." Kyle nodded, voice drifting off as if he actually needed time to think of a comeback. Kyle never needed to think about those, they barrelled off his tongue, acerbic and blistering, and searing with emotion. No thought necessary.

"Cartman, quit being an ignorant piece of shit," he decided on, sounding like a weary parent telling off squabbling siblings. "Travelling isn't a waste of time."

"Thank you." Stan smiled, pointed and smug at Eric, but it meant nothing.

"Right, like _that _sounded convincing."

He had to point it out, Kyle being barely fucking there couldn't go unacknowledged. He hoped the sarcastic comment concealed his concern enough.

"Yeah, man, what's up with you tonight?" Kenny asked, unafraid to be earnest. His brows were knitted together.

Kyle's shoulders began to draw up, and his gaze refused to land on Kenny.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"You've been, like, super quiet..."

"Oh, uh, it's nothing, I..." Kyle shrugged, so incredibly false. "I,I guess I have a lot on my mind..."

"I'll bet!" Butters piped up, grin broad and oblivious. "You must be real excited to go to Harvard, Kyle!"

A weak smile wobbled on Kyle's face.

"Thanks, Butters, but it's not a big deal, really." He brushed some imaginary dust off his leg. "It's just college..."

"Dude, it _is_ a big deal!" Stan exclaimed, clapping Kyle on the shoulder. "You're, like, the only person in this town who's done that!"

Kyle shook his head, his smile becoming more and more unsteady.

"So what?"

"So you should celebrate it, man!"

Eric bit the inside of his mouth, no matter how many times he had to refrain himself from congratulating Kyle on his success, and telling him how much he was going to crush that fucking school, the urge to do so still leapt into his throat, swift and needy. But now, he was glad for his restraint. Watching the uneasy creases in Kyle's face, the smile that didn't reach his eyes, it seemed like congratulations _weren't_ in order.

"Totally!" Kenny grinned. "This calls for some shots!"

Kyle perked up then, eyes glinting, and he sat up a little straighter.

"Okay, cool..." he nodded, a steadier smile spreading across his face.

Eric's brow furrowed, and some strange, overwhelming concern was battering at his mind, like it wanted to leap out of his head and stop whatever the hell this was. As if Eric had the right, as if his damn pride would let him. After all, why shouldn't they all do shots if they wanted to? Why shouldn't Kyle? Except Eric knew that wasn't him, knew that Kyle had never done shots in his life before, and why would he want to start now? He considered that maybe he was just trying to get into the college spirit, but that didn't explain away everything else..

"Cartman, you have shot glasses here, right?" Kenny asked.

"Sure..." Eric nodded, still a little dazed as he got to his feet.

As he made his way to the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards for the shot glasses, the conversation in the living room grew louder, excitable, but Kyle's voice was missing. Eric frowned, feeling its absence.

He returned to the living room with the shot glasses in hand, Kenny pouring the tequila he brought along into five of them.

"Okay..." Kenny said, as they all raised the small glasses to their lips. "Five, four, three, two, one!"

Eric threw his head back as he drank. The liquid scorched his throat and seemed to swirl around his mind with surprising pressure, leaving a distant ringing in his ears. Through his squinting vision, through the giddy laughter, he saw Kyle grinning, wide and relieved, for the first time tonight.

* * *

Three hours later and Stan had wandered off with Wendy, Kyle had disappeared with Kenny, and Eric was left alone with Butters and his annoyingly agreeable company. What was the point of having a conversation with someone who it was impossible to rile up? Whatever, Eric's heart wasn't in it anyway. Why pick arguments with someone who wasn't even a cheap facsimile of Kyle? Why bother when even though Kyle was nowhere to be seen, he was firmly on his mind?

Eric had left Butters chatting with Tweek and Craig to go to the bathroom, and when he emerged he saw familiar figures hanging out at the top of the stairs.

"Cartman!"

Kyle called out, the voice he had been wanting to hear all night, but it lacked its usual tautness. His name poured out of Kyle's mouth like beer spilling from a kicked-over bottle, careless and elastic. He stumbled over to him, and he braced himself for the very real possibility of Kyle actually falling on top of him. There were worse things, he supposed.

"Uhh... hey..."

"Where have you been all night?" Kyle practically shouted in his face, reeking of booze.

It smothered the usual comforting smell of coconut shampoo and the fabric softener Mrs Broflovski had been washing Kyle's clothes with for years. Eric craved it now.

"I-"

"Come hang out with us!" Kyle interrupted, grabbing Eric's arm and pulling him towards Kenny and Clyde before he could protest... if he even wanted to. At least this was a good excuse for Eric to keep an eye on him.

They stood behind the banister above the foyer, partygoers milling around below and a huge, ostentatious chandelier glowing in front of them.

"What the fuck is that chandelier, man?" Kenny asked.

"I don't know." Clyde shrugged. "I think they got it when Token's mom got a promotion or something?"

Kenny shook his head, eyes twinkling as he stared.

"Damn..."

"It's ridiculous!" Kyle suddenly exclaimed, swaying with the force of his words. "Just look at it... all big... and sparkly... and it totally doesn't _go_. I mean, what the fuck?"

"So you're not a fan?" Kenny asked with a smirk, arching an amused eyebrow.

Kyle scowled at it like the chandelier had personally wronged him. Eyes narrowed, nose scrunched up, and not intimidating at all.

"No," he replied, pouting. "I hate it... somebody take it down!"

Kenny glanced between Kyle and the chandelier, and shrugged.

"I'll do it..."

"What the fuck are you talking about, dude?" Eric asked.

"I'll take it down right now," Kenny replied, already crouching to untie his laces.

Kyle laughed, eyes blown so wide they almost burst out of his sockets.

"No way, dude!"

Kenny had lifted his legs onto the banister, squatting like a frog as he attempted to find his balance.

"Woah, careful, you crazy bastard!" Clyde laughed, reaching out to steady Kenny as he lifted himself up.

Kyle joined Clyde in his infectious, hysterical laughter, and Eric wondered why he was the only one who wasn't finding this funny. He couldn't even bring himself to fake it when it all sounded so hollow.

"I can't believe he's fucking doing it, oh my god!" Kyle turned to Eric with sparkling, unfocused eyes.

"Jesus Christ..." he muttered.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Kenny announced, drawing everyone's eyes and phones to him. "For my next trick I'm gonna jump on Token's dumb chandelier!"

"No!" Token shouted, running up the stairs.

"Three, two..."

"No, don't you dare, you asshole!"

"One!"

Kenny leapt into the air, swiping at the chandelier but ultimately missing it. He landed on the tiled floor below with a loud, wince-inducing thump. Gasps filled the room, and as some concerned partygoers crowded around him, he slowly rose to his feet and held up his hands.

"It's okay, I'm up!" He announced to the sound of cheers. "I'm okay!"

"Dude, that was awesome!" Clyde exclaimed, practically thrumming with excitement.

Kyle nodded, still laughing his wasted ass off. With wide eyes he studied the party going wild, the banister, the chandelier he hated so much and grinned.

"Okay, it's my turn next..."

"What?! Kyle, no!" Eric shouted, grabbing Kyle's arm and tugging him towards him. "Are you crazy?! You're gonna break your fucking neck!"

Kyle ripped his arm from Eric's grip, and _really_ scowled at him. Eyes flashing with indignation, nostrils flaring.

"You don't tell me what to fucking do, alright! You're not the boss of me!"

Eric was panting, his own indignation gathering in his chest, hot and frustrated because Kyle was right. He wasn't the boss of him. He had no right to tell Kyle what to do, no reason to show Kyle any kind of concern, or care, even though nobody else in this stupid town mattered to him as much as Kyle did. Even when he was acting like a total dickhead, even when he was making dumb, drunken decisions, Eric still cared. He couldn't let this continue any longer, he had to find out why the hell Kyle was acting like this. He rolled his eyes.

"Come on..." he murmured, grabbing Kyle's arm again.

"What? No!" Kyle protested. "Cartman, what the hell is wrong with you?"

He wasn't listening, already dragging Kyle to an empty room. Eric switched on the lights when they were finally alone, revealing Kyle to be flushed and seething.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"I could ask you the same thing, Kyle!"

Kyle blinked, frowning and avoiding Eric's gaze.

"Wh... what are you talking about-"

"Come on, this isn't you!" Eric pleaded. "You don't sit anywhere quietly, you don't do shots, you don't get fucking wasted at some stupid party, and you don't voluntarily hang out with Clyde Donovan!"

"Well, maybe I want to start doing those things!" Kyle replied, folding his arms. "How about that?!"

Eric scoffed, and rolled his eyes.

"You've picked a dumb fucking time to start, since you're gonna be in Harvard in like, less than a week-"

"I know!" Kyle snapped, squeezing his eyes shut. "I know, okay, stop reminding me!"

Eric blinked, brow creased. Slowly, inexplicably, things were starting to make sense.

"Wh- dude, is that what this is about? You're acting like a dick because you're going to Harvard?"

"No!" Kyle shouted. He huffed, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah! I... I just..."

"What?" Eric demanded, stepping closer.

Kyle instinctively backed away, looking up at Eric with eyes that pleaded with him to just drop it. But they both knew that wasn't going to happen.

"I'm just depressed, okay?!"

Eric's shoulders fell. Now that, he was not expecting.

"Huh?"

"I mean, I-I-I'm anxious! I'm both!" Kyle rolled his eyes, grumbled at his inarticulacy. "I just feel like fucking shit!"

"But why?!" Eric cried. "I don't get it, Kyle! What the hell have you got to feel like shit about?!"

"A lot of stuff, actually!" Kyle sighed, crossed arms clutching his sides, so close to curling up into a defeated ball. "What if I'm not good enough, Cartman?"

Eric blinked, not even knowing how to answer.

"Huh?"

"God, I should have never fucking applied to that place because I've just set myself up to fail, to make a total ass out of myself!" Kyle cried. "How am I supposed to come back here and face everybody after I've totally blown it!"

"But you haven't blown anything yet! Where the hell is all this coming from, dude?"

Kyle shook his head, gleaming eyes roaming the room.

"Everyone expects me to be perfect... my family, and our teachers, and even you guys expect me to have all the answers-"

"Hey, that's not true," Eric cut in with a small smirk. "I hardly ever think you're right."

Kyle actually laughed then, small, and short, more hum than laughter. But it was more genuine than the fake, hysterical, desperate cackles of before, and a whole lot sweeter.

"Everyone expects me to..." Kyle sighed, threw his hands up. "Be the Valedictorian, be the smartest guy in class and... yeah, I'm smart here but do you know the kind of people who get accepted into Harvard are, Cartman?"

Eric nodded, stepping even closer and finding Kyle's eyes.

"Yeah, I do know, because one of them standing right in front of me"

Kyle rolled his eyes, and he actually _blushed._

"Dude, come on-"

"No, shut up and listen to me for once, alright?" Eric said, totally serious. "You really need to get over yourself, Kyle. Sure, there'll be people at Harvard who are smarter than you, who may even be better than you, but that's just fucking life, man. That doesn't mean that you deserve to be there any less, that doesn't mean you shouldn't stroll into that school and try to kick their rich, successful asses, and do you wanna know why? Because you're Kyle Broflovski!" He laughed then. "Because you're smart, and you're brave, and you never give up! Because you always fight! Because you're so..." Eric looked to the ceiling, and took a breath to steady his racing heart. "Great at being who you are, right down to every last self-righteous, annoying detail and... you can't let anybody take that away from you, so don't give them the satisfaction before you even get there!"

Eric was shaking when he finished, and he was sure Kyle was actually starting to sober up right before his eyes. His words rang through the heavy silence and terrified him. Had he said too much? Had he shattered all that he had wanted to preserve? Before he could panic, he noticed Kyle start to nod, and a smile tug at his lips.

"Wow..." he whispered. "That's really, uhh..." he met Eric's eyes and smiled at him. "Thanks, Cartman."

Eric shrugged, but smiled at Kyle too. His heartbeat started to calm, still loud and thumping.

"You're welcome..."

They held their smiles, unusual but not uncomfortable. Eric thought of anything he could possibly say, but wondered if it was best not to disrupt this odd, blissful moment.

Suddenly, the door flew open, letting the party and the rest of the world in.

"Shit, there you guys are!" Kenny said, panting. His eyebrows furrowed. "Uhh... am I interrupting something?"

"No, Kenny, shut the fuck up!" Eric snapped.

"Okay, uh, listen, Token is pretty pissed about the chandelier-"

"Why is this our problem when you're the one who threw yourself at it like a douchebag?"

Kenny huffed.

"Will you just listen?! Token is pissed, and Clyde thinks a flipcup game will clear the air, so come on! Haul ass!"

Eric and Kyle glanced at each other, but knew whatever moment they had shared had passed.

* * *

The whole party seemed to have gathered around the island in Token's kitchen to watch the great flipcup game. Eric and the guys were stood on one side of the island, while Token and his friends were stood on the other.

"Remind me why you guys are doing this again?" Wendy asked, as she poured the beer into the cups.

"To win back Token's dignity!" Clyde replied, taking a break from staring down a very confused Stan.

"No!" Token huffed. "I don't need my dignity 'won' I just... I don't know, I just want retribution I guess..."

"For Kenny making a total ass out of himself in your house?"

"Hey!" Kenny snapped. "I was real fucking close to that chandelier!"

Wendy sighed.

"Okay, I get it. You're guys, you can't just apologise when you do something stupid and move on, you have to get all extra and turn it into who has the biggest dick-"

"No!" Clyde protested. "Who can flip all these cups the fastest!"

"Fine, whatever," Wendy replied. "You guys ready?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Uh, sure?" Stan replied.

"Alright. On your marks, get set, go!"

The crowd began to cheer as Kenny and Token started the game off, the both of them downing their drinks and flipping their cups over in one try. Stan was up next, finishing his beer but his cup toppling over as he tried to flip it. Clyde laughed, sneering at him as he flipped his cup perfectly.

"Dude, what the fuck, Stan?" Eric cried, because even if this game was the biggest waste of time ever no way was he going to lose.

"I'm trying, alright?!" Stan snapped, flipping the cup. "There! There, are you happy now?"

Eric was already drinking his beer, wiping his mouth when he finished and flipping the cup over with aplomb.

"Now I am..."

Butters and Jimmy both struggled to flip their cups over initially, but Jimmy was the one to finally flip his cup first. Tweek and Kyle were up last, a haphazard finish admittedly, when Tweek's hands wouldn't stop trembling and Kyle was still very much inebriated. But with some encouragement from his friends, Kyle was able to flip the cup over just as Tweek's cup rolled off the counter.

"That's it!" Wendy announced, enthralled with the game despite herself. "Kenny's team wins!"

Token shook his head, running an exasperated hand over his face while Clyde had a tantrum beside him. The other side of the table was decidedly more joyous, Kenny and Stan high-fived while Butters bounced around excitably.

"We won!" Kyle shouted in Eric's face, giddy and grinning. "Oh my god, we won!"

"Hell fucking yes we did!" he replied, laughing.

Suddenly, Kyle's arms were thrown around his shoulders and he was pulled into a tight, swaying hug. Eric returned it, not caring what people thought, or what it meant, he was going to enjoy Kyle smiling into his neck, his arms around him, his hot breath and triumphant chuckles in his ear for as long as he could. Soon, Kyle breached from their embrace. His lidded, beaming eyes found Eric's, and his arms once looped around his neck were now at his sleeves, grasping the material. Before Eric could comprehend it, he was being pulled to Kyle's lips, their mouths colliding in a hard, beer-soaked kiss.

Eric's eyes drifted shut before he could stop it, and it was over before it really began. Kyle was chuckling when he pulled away, his face flushed, and eyes dark but glimmering, and _shit, even when he's wasted he's gorgeous_. Eric tried to offer him a cool, unaffected smile, but it was hard when he could still taste him on his lips, feel the hot press of his mouth, as well as everybody's eyes on him wondering what the hell just happened. Eric couldn't explain it, but he knew he was totally screwed.


End file.
